One Last Letter
by HandwrittenStories
Summary: There was so much Kiku never said to Ludwig, and now a letter is the only way.


_My dearest Ludwig,_

_ We now wait in the dead of winter and snow covers the ground. When I look outside of my window I can see the trees and ground covered in white drifts, they look so breathtaking. I reflect on the many haikus I wrote long ago about the weather this time of year. How things were different then._

_ It's strange how suddenly things have changed. Yesterday we walked peacefully together through the summer festival, today I can barely find the strength to rise and put the futon away. This illness has left me bed-ridden for so long that I can barely recall the feeling of sunlight or chilling air on my skin. I am so grateful that you were there that day to keep me from falling from the cliff. I am just as grateful now that you have stayed by me even as my health has so rapidly deteriorated, even as I became incapable of what little I could do for you, you remained by my side never once giving a thought to yourself._

_ You have always put me before yourself, never once asking for anything in return. I have never been able to even begin to return the love and devotion you've given me. You are the ever present light of my life, I have forgotten about a time when you were not there to offer me comfort and solace. When I regained consciousness after first having passed out from coughing up blood I remember it being you by my side when I woke up. As you assured me that I was to be alright I could not help but notice your eyes._

_ Tears glistened in them, even now I wonder if you had known of their presence._

_ That night I stayed awake and listened to your slow even breath as you slept. Dark circles were under your eyes, no doubt from watching over me as I lay oblivious to the world around me. I couldn't bear to cause you so much grief. A pain that was not from the illness sat in my heart, it was a kind that came from being completely helpless as the person you loved suffered. But to be the cause of your suffering was nearly too much for me to live with, even now I can sometimes hardly bring myself to watch as you struggle with your feelings. I hope you can forgive me for making you undergo so much emotional strain; you have sacrificed so much of your own happiness for me._

_ I hope that you will only reflect on our time together with the same fondness that I do. The few years that we have spent in each other's company have been short but fulfilling, I hold each day as a precious treasure in my heart. Forgive me as I leave so many of our desires unrealized, I am sorry to have to abandon you like this._

_ Ludwig, I am going to die._

_ At most I may live until the first shoots of grass peek through the snow, but perhaps my time is even shorter. We will not be able to view the sakura as we did the year before I fell ill, or visit the sea in the summer. These past days I have been worse than ever and do not expect to recover. Please, do not return for me; you have finally returned home to your family and your country, who are in much greater need of you than I. You have been kept from them long enough caring for me and I will always be grateful for the months you have spent trying to help me combat this disease._

_ I am sorry that I must tell you this way. A letter is a shallow and despicable way of letting you know of this, I beg your forgiveness, it is wrong of me to not tell you in person. I know I have ruined what has most likely been a peaceful holiday for you and your family, but I am pleading with you to stay with them. There is nothing left either one of us can try to do in order to save my life._

_ I sit here now fighting the tears that threaten to smudge the ink on this letter. The many things that you deserve to be apologized for cannot even begin to be put into words. I have failed you not only as an ally but as a lover. I have betrayed you in a way that is unforgivable; you who cherished me above all else must hear my sorry excuse of a final good-bye. This letter shall be baptized in my own tears which make it nearly impossible for me to see my fragile hand compose this letter._

_ I fear that this is the last time I will write to you Ludwig. To have you respond to this depressing anecdote would only create a sadness between us. If I must lose my life to something as trifling as an illness I would like you to only remember the times we spent together when all was well. Watching the leaves fall in autumn and the blooming of flowers in spring, these are the things that I reflect on now. _

_ Please do not grieve for me as I fear you will. Do not allow my death to still the movement of your life. The idea of you becoming distant and sorrowful after my departure from this life tears at my heart until I lay sobbing and gasping for breath. I do not want anything to harm you physically or emotionally, to see you go through any amount of anguish would surely have killed me faster than this illness ever could._

_ I beg of you, if nothing else find some sort of happiness after I die. Live on and only recall our peaceful and happy times. Live and move forward with your life, continue on. Live on do the things I was incapable of joining you in. Live and find someone else that you can love as you did me. _

_ Ludwig, you are my dearest love and I want nothing more for you than happiness. My dying wish is for you to let go of what pains you, if I am that thing then please, forget about me. My love for you will exist eternally even if you must stop caring for me in order to continue living then do it without hesitation. If, in order for you to be at peace, you must find your solace with another then I want you to seek them out. For you to love someone as you did me is the only comfort I have as I wait for my end. _

_ I love you, truly I do, your happiness is enough. It has been your love that has been my greatest gift in life, and will inevitably be the same in death. _

_ I love you._

_ As the snow falls over the back garden I remember the time when you found me unconscious yet again in the snow. You have so indulgently cared for me since then, I never thought anyone could care for me so much. I never thought that _I_ could ever feel for someone so much._

_ I love you._

_ You are my greatest treasure, every moment that we've spent together is more precious to me than any other possession in the world. I hold our time together close to my heart, the greatest comfort to me during this uncertain period. There is no doubt in my mind that I would not have survived if you had not been there for me, both emotionally and physically._

_ I love you. _

_ I will love you eternally. No matter if I am alive or dead, my heart will always belong to you. Flowers may fade and even the tallest mountain may crumble, but I will never stop loving you. I never said it enough in life, I didn't express my feelings for you enough in life. I wish I could do things over again and be as open with you as you are with me, perhaps in my next life I can become a more loving partner. But will it be the same without you there? Without you I feel as though my heart would cease understand the concept of love. How I have wasted this chance to express my love for someone, you never hesitated to tell me and I am deeply remorseful for being so secretive with my emotions. _

_ I love you Ludwig._

_I love you so much that sometimes my heart feels as if it will burst. Whenever you are near I feel a fluttering my chest akin to that of the swallowtail butterfly or a small sparrow. Every glance from you sends that butterfly into a frenzy, it fights against my chest which is filled with a warmth and glow. Even the simplest brush of your arm is electric, sending a jolt up my spine that I can't help but revel in such a brief moment of contact. _

_I love everything about you. I love every moment of being with you. I love you. I love you. I love you._

_You are my greatest love, my truest love, my only love. I love you more than anything in the world. I want you to remember that I love you more than anything, even this life which is to be over soon. My love for you will burn eternal, it will never falter, I promise you that I will always love you._

_Ludwig, I love you so much I can never say it enough. _

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you Ludwig._

_Forever yours, Kiku_

**Writers Ramble**

**I wrote this a really long time ago for a friend and decided I'd put it up while I avoid working on other stories. Anyway, I know it's really lame and stuff but I wanted to experiment with letter-writing style. Thanks for reading!**


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